There are many, many great and loving men out there...Thank God...but let me say...This Rant is for the women who can't say what they are thinking. I've bitten my tongue, many a day, when I've heard men call their wife "the old lady" or when I've heard men talking about their divorce being valid because "she won't clean" or "she didn't even have dinner on the table."
Yep, this one is for them.
The topic of "who wears the pants in the family" came up at one of our recent Mom's Night Out at Starbucks. Remember that this MNO is comprised of Christian Homeschooling mom's; most of whom do not work outside the home or work part-time.
Everyone talked about the man being the head of their home. I agreed that the man is supposed to be the head of the home. The statement I made that turned a lot of heads was this...
"We are to be a man's helper. He needs to know how to DO everything in his home INCLUDING dishes, laundry and changing diapers and we HELP him throughout our lives as the needs arise."
At first there was a joint laughter that quickly turned into looks of "Oh Crap! She's serious!"
So I ask you...Am I rewriting rules or am I right?! Here are my thoughts.
The man is the head of the household in a marriage. Women were made to be helpers to men. Gen. 2:18
There are many men who go out and work and bring home the money. There are many men who expect their "woman" to have his dinner on the table and the house clean when he gets home.
I don't disagree with that thought, however here's the rub...
In many households...
THE MAN, goes to work in the morning, works hard, comes home, eats, chats, watches some TV, gets laid, goes to bed.
THE WOMAN, gets the kids up in the morning, gets them off to school or teaches them at home, cleans the home, shops for groceries, balances the checkbook, trains/parents the children, helps with homework, deals with the school/curriculum, answers calls, keeps the household calendar of events/family functions, shops for clothes, takes out the trash, mows the grass, goes through the mail, pays bills, returns phone calls, deals with the insurance company, takes children to medical visits, remembers to make appointments for dental, eye and annual medical exams, washes/folds/puts away laundry, services the husband, wipes down the toilet, tub and vanity as she cleans up for bed. She may even wipe down the mirror..then she goes to bed.
In many households...
THE MAN, goes to work in the morning, works hard, comes home, eats or makes dinner, chats, watches TV, gets laid and goes to bed.
THE WOMAN...place the list for "the woman" in the first scenario here LESS making dinner on some days.
In many households...
THE MAN, goes to work in the morning, works hard, comes home, eats or makes dinner, throws in a load of laundry, chats watches TV, gets laid and goes to bed. (he is an awesome husband that women brag about, by the way)
THE WOMAN, place the list for "the woman" in the first scenario here LESS making dinner and a load of laundry BUT ADD works full or part time, takes child to daycare and picks them up, wipes their nose, listens to them cry to and from daycare, gives child a bath, wipes down bathroom floor and wall so people don't slide to their death after the kids bath, services husband, (or gets laid if he's good) goes to bed.
THE POINT IS...
WHO is the helper in most families and who is the head of the household?Sure there are those women who say they are "happy" to do the "wifely" duties. It makes them feel "whole" and "complete" to "do this for their husband."
Let me paraphrase this for those who do not know what those words actually mean..."I think this is what I'm supposed to do because somewhere along the line a man behind the pulpit said so and my in laws and parents bought into it and I don't know how to change this so I'm making lemonade with the lemons."
The bottom line: Women are not supposed to do it all. We don't have to be slaves just because a man is bringing in the money to our household. We are supposed to be helpers. A man SHOULD know how to run his home...ALL OF IT.
If he isn't rearing his children, wiping their butts, doing ALL household chores at one time or another then he has NOT mastered his home and cannot be called the master by any means. Remember, we are talking about the HEAD of the household..Head of the family. When he gets a handle on the duties involved with that, he can then claim rights to that title. Until then he's the bread winner. A bread winner is not the Head of anything my friend. A bread winner is a mere laborer at best.
If he can't run the house without his helper, does that make him the head of the house? I'm thinking no. If he has it in his heart to expect his wife to do all of this, what does that say about his "love" for his wife?
I've seen this over and over again. I've heard men talking in my father's businesses throughout my life...when they don't care that little ears can understand too...about their wife who can't cook or their woman who didn't even have food on the table when he got home. I resolved that they do not respect their wives as people. He was hoping to marry a worker, not a wife.
Being a "help meet" is about sharing in responsibility. During the weeks/months of marriage when a man is working hard and NEEDS his wife to cook and clean, then fine, she can totally do that. When work gets easier for him and he's able to help around the house, then he should totally do that!
There are too many women trying to be a "help meet" who have actually become a "help slave." The woman's self worth is shattered, her life is quickly used up and spit out before she knows what's happened!
SHE is supposed to be a child of God, not a slave to her "beloved."
Somewhere along the line, some women have become slaves and/or begun using their "help meet" status as some kind of manipulation trick to "get their husbands to love them." There is never a shortage of men and subservient women to champion the help meet/slave trumpet. There are many books out there to "help" women get their "heart right" so they can enjoy scrubbing toilets and waiting on their husbands, hand and foot...but I think I'll steer clear of those. Life is too short to be a slave.
I prefer being married to a strong man who knows all about his family and home. I prefer to ask what he needs to be done THIS WEEK (so I can do it for him and our family) rather than submit my entire life to diaper duty and zombie-like, ritual service. My husband prefers to have a best friend and lover rather than a toy to be guilted into sex out of "duty to his need." What utter non-sense!
Let me tell you what, men! You cook dinner for your wife, or do a load of dishes or fold a pile of laundry and see how fast her clothes fall off. And if you happen to scrub the bathroom sink, toilet and tub...whoa baby! Hold on, 'cause you're going for a ride!
Meet eye to eye for 15 minutes each Sunday. Pray together and ask each other what your needs are for the coming week. Look into your wife's eyes and tell her that you need her, physically...this week...more than once. It will get her attention...and give her something to think about during the days ahead. :o) (Here's a little secret guys. She needs to be needed just as much as you do. It's when she feels "used" that sex becomes scarce.)
It's not rocket science here, guys. Respect and love go a long way in a marriage! If you help your wife around the house...YOUR HOUSE...she will feel your respect. Men, you were made strong! You can handle ALL of your household. She can help you...H.E.L.P....you.
But, if you're a crappy husband....she can do it without you. (just so you know)
To those women who have been dumped because you weren't "good enough" in your marriage, I want to give you hope. There are real men out there. They do exist. Don't settle for less. You deserve better.
STEPPING OFF MY SOAP BOX
*Note: I know what the head of a household looks like because I am one of the very blessed women who have one. My hubby is the head of this household and I am so very grateful.