CHEAP AND YUMMY BROWNIE RECIPE!
6 TBSP cocoa, 1/4 C butter, 1 C sugar, 1/2 tsp vanilla, 1/3 C flour, 2 eggs, Cook 350 - 25 mins.

3/20/09

TO MY ANONYMOUS FRIEND...ABOUT DAXX AND MY PARENTING

Back in 2007 my life was a whirl wind of twin rounding. Daxx was in the midst of his amazing ability to tear-up-jack (Kentucky phrase) and I was one nerve away from blowing a gasket. It was during one of my more tumultuous moments that I Wrote This...

I got a comment on that post today. I was going to respond in the comment section but have decided I would rather update everyone about Daxx and how life has been flowing since then.

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Here is the comment left by Mr/Ms Anonymous from Kirkland, Washington: USA.

"Oh my goodness, I don't know how you avoid being driven absolutely crazy by your Daxx! If he were my child, I'm not sure he would still be able to sit down on his little bottom after causing so much destruction to my home! The blinds, the shades, the curtains...why is he so destructive?? You must be very, very tolerant! Maybe he'll grow out of it??"

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Here is my response.

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Hello My Anonymous friend,

This post was written in 2007. Daxx was 3 years old and I was feeling the pain of exhaustion. If I thought beating him until he was bruised so badly he could not sit down would be the best course of action, I think I would hang up my parenting badge for a nice cell at the local jail. However, since he deserves a safe home without abuse, I redirected, scolded and managed his behavior the best I could, while trying to realize why he was acting this way.

Daxx was the child who climbed over the safety gates, over our fence in the backyard and laughed hard when he would get hurt badly enough to make any other child scream. He didn't respond to talks, gentle persuasion, taking away toys, time out, spanking, (not beatings) or even alone time in his room. He just did not get it. Please know that I've had enough parenting experience, parenting classes, foster parent classes and patience to really put the effort into the correct way to implement each discipline procedure. He just did not care for beans. I finally had to surmise that God had a plan for him. I've called him My little Huck Finn for a reason. He sneakily, escaped from any room or area we put him in for time out. He liked to roam the house at night alone, wreaking havoc. He would not be swayed by adults no matter what we did. He just flat refused to be tamed. Yep, that's our little Huck.

As time rolled by I began to understand that he wasn't TRYING to be destructive. He was actually trying to figure things out. He wanted to know why the blinds went back and forth, so he took them apart. He wanted to know why the curtains were hanging in mid-air, so he pulled at them until he found the rods. When the rods fell down, he found the rod attachments and pulled at them until he found the screws. Step by step he tore apart his room, and step by step I lost my marbles.

He is now 5 years old and has grown out of the "destruction" stage. His actions make sense now...but then? Not so much. I was at a loss for what could stop him. Truth be told, I don't think "I" did stop him. I think he matured, became a funny little boy and has grown into a hands-on, analytical thinker. He's very intelligent...Thank God. I had many moments when I questioned that.

The short of it is that if all children were alike, all adults would be alike. That would be a very boring life indeed. God chose me to be Daxx's mother. I got to raise and witness the behaviour of a child that didn't fit the text book parenting model. He was a challenge, but only because I wanted him to fit my mold. Thank God, Daxx broke it. I am a better parent because of it, and much less judgemental of other parents. In the end, what didn't kill me made me stronger. He's a blessing we could not live without. I sure love my Huck and can't wait to watch his life play out. It will definitely be an interesting one.

12 comments:

Tracey said...

GOOD FOR YOU! ANONYMOUS COMMENTERS DRIVE ME NUTS JUST BEING ANONYMOUS...BUT THEIR COMMENTS ARE JUST NUTTY...MAYBE THAT IS WHY THEY STAY ANOYMOUS! Ugghhh!

The Oesch Chronicles said...

Great Comment. I am proud of you for responding in this matter.. I think some people do NOT understand what certain children go through. And thank goodness Daxx had someone like you that was patient with him and was able to love him despite of the "behavior problems" that he was displacing.

Rita T. said...

Very good reply. Kudos to you for giving an honest answer without anger.

Stacy said...

Cherish your children and the gifts they are given. They don't always interpret the world as we do. They aren't supposed too. They come into this world and need to figure some of out on there own with their own little minds. Sometimes a little mommy patience (as hard as we all know that is sometimes) is what they need before disciplining every minor infraction. And a little listening too. Our season with them is very short.....don't forget to enjoy them as well.

A very good response Shelly......

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

Daxx is very fortunate to have a mom like you! I so wonderful that you appreciate his unique makeup!

Jenny said...

Great response! Im sure Daxx is grateful for his early learning experiences :)and for having a Mom that could see him though!

Karen said...

Wonderful answer. Many could learn from your example.

Tina said...

I don't know what made me pop by your blog today, but I am glad I did. You are an amazing mother, and we can all learn from your experience. It is very evident why God chose you to be a foster parent. What a wonderful family you have!

CrAzY Working Mom said...

I have a three year old son who reminds me a lot of yours! He's very curious and can be destructive as well. I think that you're so right that all children are different. He is the complete opposite of his older sister. You could threaten her and she was scared of "trouble". He doesn't mind, in fact I think he likes trouble. But, as soon as he's out of it, he can come over and give you the biggest hug and rub your cheek and tell you how much he loves you, then your heart is in his hands.

You're a wonderful mother who knows your child and what he needs. Kudos to you for this! You've set a wonderful example for him.

djtammy said...

First time to be here and this post caught my attention.

I gon't get it, some people! She/he doesn't have the right to judge someone. at the first place she/he doesn't know you and Daxx.

Children at his age is normal to be curious about EVERYTHING. They wanted to learn and explore the things around them and I don't see any problem with Daxx being destructive. It's normal at his age.

When your kids reach the age of 3 and not as active as Daxx...I will be worried :)) something is wrong about him/her.

We parents knew that each children has its own behavior. Im am so proud of you for having Daxx.

Be patient :-)

Yira said...

He's so handsome :-) You are such a great mom and I think, I believe that God gives us that which he thinks we can handle. Thankfully, Daxx got you as a mommy!! Great Job and great response.

jayewalking said...

Daxx definitely sounds like a special little boy. Kudos to you for learning from him as well as teaching him. He's going to be one of those people who go on to do great things because of the tinkering and creativity he has been allowed to express.