In the next 5 months we will...
1. ...find out if our foster daughter will become ours forever or go home to her birth parents.
2. ...enroll 4 of our children into a Charter School.
3. ...have one 13 year old son who will be "bootcamp homeschooling" with me, in order to attend college next year, when he's 14 years old.
4. ...have one 18 year old son move out of the house and rent his own house (currently he works 1 full time job during the week and a part time job on the weekends)
5. ...experience the joy and emotions that come along with our 18 year old son, Kazz, being married on February 5th to his precious wife, Becca.
6. ...begin RCIA classes to become Catholic.
Pick one that's not stressful for a former Protestant, Homeschooling family of only brothers.
During this crossing, I have found myself trying to spend as much time with our family as possible. There is so much happening that I just need to be here when one of the kids feels the heat.
I've been so focused on our brood that when I flipped our family calendar over to September last night, I saw that there is barely a blip on the paper for that month. Where playdates and gatherings would usually appear, there are, like... you know...blank boxes with nothing written in them.
Wow, That's Different.
This is an odd feeling. I used to be a fixture at our monthly Mom's Night Out Coffee dates for our homeschool group and our family used to attend multiple play dates, Bible studies and group outings throughout each month. There used to be 2 or 3 social events a week actually, especially during the summer months, but this year...not so much.
That initial glance was a bit unsettling to me. I thought, 'Well Shelly, your very old social anxiety issues must be reemerging.' I pondered that for a day and then realized Hmm... I don't "feel" anxious, I think I just... I just feel...what is that feeling?
Today I think I figured it out. I realized that I'm not "anxious"; I am focused...as usual. I just happen to be focused on something different.
Instead of trying to build relationships, friendships, and a network for our children, I am now building family time. The blank spots on our calendar are TIME! That precious stuff that we all have so little of, is actually filling our family calendar!
I am so pleased. :o)
God has been at work in our home and I have failed to even see His Hand move across my heart and mind. God has molded me and given me the will and desire to stand still.
Here's the situation: For the past 20 years I've been "the leader". The head of this, the coordinator of that, the Type-A, get out of my way, we're on a roll, kind of woman. I didn't have the desire to "only" cook, clean or even hang around the house that much. I had a drive to build something for our children!
Just puttering about the house wasn't in that plan.
Thankfully, my husband was on board with that and we went on quite the Youth group leader, Homeschool Group founding, Foster Parenting/Mentoring, College Seminar giving, Moving about three states, kind of ride together.
We were given, by God, the ability to build a homeschooling network that encouraged many people and blessed our family beyond belief. Through this, we have seen our children build friendships and attend wonderful events. Kazz even met his future wife due to one of the groups that we founded.
I know that God's hand was on the path we were driven to blaze with those endeavors, but now...
Now?...well...Now those things are done.
We did it. They're built.
Brian and I have done what we needed to do. We've enjoyed the ride with our crew and now God has instilled a new desire in my soul and in Brian's.
I am content to putter about the house and he's content to let me putter. LOL
I've been cooking and cleaning more than I ever used to. I've been enjoying time alone with our family and I feel totally content to do so. I have no desire to build this or that.
I have no desire to be the leader of anything at all.
What a liberating feeling!
I believe that God's has recently given me the desire to be "the mom" and "the wife"...and ONLY the mom and the wife...finally.
Oddly enough, now that we're "off the radar" socially, we've felt the presence of our extended family and friends even more than before. They are reaching out to us, asking questions, offering help and just sending notes of encouragement.
This is where the peddle meets the metal I suppose. This is where we've found our solid buddies who do actually think about us and pray for us; and do so enough to reach out when we've had to pull away for a moment.
We have so many family and friends who are encouraging us and waiting with bated breath to hear the news about each situation. We are so blessed to be surrounded by people who are genuine and caring.
I'm the mom and the wife.
I get to be the mom and the wife.
I am SO happy to be the mom and the wife.
I think it's time to float a bit. I'm going to ride the wave and watch others steer the ship for a while. I'm tired. I'm willing to be surprised when we arrive at our destination.
If you need me or just want to chat, you'll find me on the ship, but not behind the wheel. I'm resting. I need the strength to tour the new territory when we reach each of our new destinations.