I get in these moods where I just WANT another child. Yes, I know very well that I am crazy busy with the children I have now. As a matter of fact, I sometimes think I'm going to go bonkers just trying to wash the darn clothes. However, something just gnaws at me, deep down inside, that I should never cease to keep my arms and heart open to another child.
What is that?!
My husband is done. I'm NOT talking "done" like,
"Oh I'll think about it in a year." I'm talking "done" like,
"I am overwhelmed with what I have now." THAT kind of done.
He's "done" in no uncertain terms...
"Shelly you are crazy, look at my face, I'm done. It's over. Done. Zilch. No more. Not even a cute little girl that looks, acts, and talks just like Meadow...THAT'S the kind of done I am, wonderful wife of mine!"
That's how done my husband is...
He told me this last night on our date. I just looked at him stunned. I mean....I'm hardly ever at a loss for words but you know. He's DONE! How do I handle that?
I'm sad. I'm thinking, 'How does he know he's done? When did that occur?'
But here's the thing...It doesn't matter how or when that occured. It only matters that it has occured.
I have to come to terms with his wishes for his life and our family's future.
The question I've been mulling over today....all day long is...
What can I do to fill this urge to open our home to more sons? Yes I say I want daughters but when I look at the adoption site I always end up searching for sons. It's just in me...I don't know why.
I've got a pretty good schedule going here at home. The kids are funny and we laugh a lot. Their education is going off without a hitch so far. The twins are easier by the day and I just must feel like things are going a little too smoothly.
When things become serene, that seems to be the time I start thinking things like...well, let's throw a dog into the mix here so we can have something to gripe about! LOL
What is this "thing" in me that always has to have a new adventure to experience? Maybe it's time to find a new interest?
It's just that the whole, "ministering to kids thing" just sticks with me. The healing of hurts and the molding of character. I have a thirst for watching kids grow into adults to become all they wish to be....All God has created them to be.
How do I take that and channel it elsewhere?
I've got some praying to do. I need a new focus. I don't need to sit around wishing for more children. I need the next phase of my life to begin and blossom. What adventure does God have for me now?
Bring It On!! :-)