I read about her discussion with another mother and the emotions just flooded me.
I remember taking my son out of his car seat. It was the first time I had ever touched him.
He was screaming and crying and his body was so tense. He was 8 months old.
I remember the foster mother, who was giving him and his twin brother to me, walking a few steps behind me to the front door of our home. She realized that she couldn't handle the boys. God bless her for knowing they were not meant to be hers forever, and having the strength to let go.
I broke the threshold and turned to greet her. I held Daxx in my arms. He, still screaming, I melting over his beautiful head of hair and his dark brown eyes, that would not gaze into mine.
She took him and placed another crying child in my arms. My son's cheek brushed mine. Warm tears smeared my cheek, I felt his breath on my face. He looked up at me and turned away. He then stopped crying, suddenly. He looked back at me, into my eyes, placed his head on my shoulder and snuggled as tight as he could, silently breathing a relaxed sigh.
The air was ringing with his brothers screams. My heart was swelling with love. All I could think was, "Oh God. I hope he's mine. God please..." I looked at the mother who was placing things onto our living room floor, distractedly chatting at me, holding my screaming son. "God if they're not mine, guard my heart. It's not been a moment and it's already holding them tight."
His plan came to fruition, though it was an emotional roller-coaster. I knew they could leave any day. I tried to brace myself each time I felt a bonding moment. "Remember this Shelly. Remember it, you may not have them tomorrow."
My first instinct was correct however, they were our sons plus one!
God knows what He is doing. Though I had moments of trial and wonder, I was always at peace in my heart. God molded me to be the mom of a terrified 4 year old boy that came to our home only 2 days later and with God's peace, we are all one happy, family. Tired, but happy! LOL
In Michigan ALONE there are over 4,400 children waiting for adoptive families.
There are THOUSANDS more in our STATE foster care system.
Over 800 children in our COUNTY alone.
The pay is lousy for fostering. It doesn't cover the food or clothing for the child. The hours are long and the inconvenient changes it makes to your daily life are miserable at times. You will see lying, jealous rages flow out of your birth children. You will experience a child throwing tantrums and having public meltdowns. You will feel emotions swell in your body that you've never felt before. Your self control will be stretched, your marriage will be challenged and your coping mechanisms will be used, sharpened, molded and melted over and over again.
THAT, however, is how you know you are living. That is how you know you are making a difference with the ONE Life God has given to you. IF you are called to foster and/or adopt this WILL be your legacy. Their lives will be richer for your sacrifices. The lives of your children will change in ways that promote selflessness and acceptance.
I wish I had the time and energy to take them all. I wish I had a bigger home. I wish I did, but I don't. So I reach to you out there in cyber-land.
Children waiting to be adopted, especially older children and teens...they don't have those snugly Christmas memories that we had.
They will be sitting there on Christmas day, wondering why they aren't wanted and why these people are not adopting them. Why isn't somebody who wants them stepping up and yelling, "Here I AM! Give my children to me!"
Whatever the reason may be that the foster family can't adopt, the fact is that those children feel that loss. They NEED the forever family that God chose for them. Their memories are not our memories. The Christmas songs don't give them the same happy thoughts or give them that peace-at-home-in-the-arms-of-mom-or-dad feeling. They are empty of it.
If you feel God calling you to be stretched, to give, to sacrifice and to love children;
If you feel him readying your arms to hold a baby, hug a child, embrace a teen;
Then BE that peace-at-home-mom or peace-at-home-dad;
Be that memory to fill their future Christmas thoughts
It's time baby! It's time.