A 16 year old boy, that I'm related to, got his driving license this week and the very same day that he got his license he asked a girl out on a date. Guess What! Her Parents promote COURTING!! The young lady told the boy that she is not allowed to car date. (She’s 16 or 17 I believe) She was not apologetic about it either. She stated it as a fact that she embraces!
She is allowed to meet a boy at a destination to go to a movie or eat or whatever or maybe even have a boy over to her home to do family activities, but she is not allowed to go in a car with a boy alone. She is happy to “court” him but dating in the traditional sense is not something their family promotes.
She also has a few sisters who are married so I do believe that her parents may know a thing or two about what they are doing.
I have to tell you, from a “boy mom” point of view, I have never been happier to know that there are parents who promote this with their daughters. The boy in question was actually happy about it too. Isn’t that odd?! (I know this boy personally, you see, though I do not wish to name him and embarrass him)
Anyway, If I had a daughter THIS would be our family's practice also. However, I am at a loss for how courting works with sons?
They are the “men” so they need to be able to drive the lady home if she is dating rather than "courting." How does this works with young men? How do they ask a girl out, but then say, "I won't pick you up or drop you off?"
Does anyone have first hand experience with this for their sons? I would love to hear your version of courting. I need information quickly!
I just had to share that. I’m so pleased.
13 comments:
Well, when you figure it out, let me know! ;-)
I've always thought it was pretty dumb to let boys and girls car date, but as we have only just reached the 16 year mark with our oldest, who currently doesn't have an interest in any particular girl NOR his driver's license, it hasn't been that big of an issue. Our 15 year old - .......well, he's 15.
(I was 16 once. Tom was 16 once. Cars - lots of alone time - unsupervised time...dumb...)
Our preference is that the boys spend time in groups more than anything.
Can we just fastforward???
I agree wholeheartedly. Honestly, let's think about it. I wouldn't ride in a car with another woman's husband nor would my husband ride in a car with another woman. It just doesn't look right. Why doesn't it look right? Because things Could happen...though they may not...they could.
One of my son's friends said to me that "her parent's trust her. Why don't I trust Kazz."
I told her that she shouldn't trust herself. It's not about ME trusting him. It's about what he MAY do if he lets his guard down. The harm would be done to him not me.
NO human needs to put themselves in a position where their guard could SO Easily be let down. One lapse in judgment is all it takes to do terrible damage to ones life.
It gave her something to chew on anyway. They don't get that we've lived and learned. I just hope they don't learn the hard way. *sigh*
Here's my two cents and a disclaimer: my oldest child is not quite 7.
About getting the girl home, how about the one who gets her there (parent, older sibling) is the one responsible for getting her home? Her suitor should wait with her until her driver arrives, of course, but then they're waiting in a public place. Much easier to resist temptation!
And I'll agree with you on that being alone with another man. I had a grad school project to do once with another teacher. He offered his computer, which I discovered upon arrival was... in his bedroom. The other woman in our group didn't seem fazed, but I was out of there just as quickly as possible.
I'm liking this "courting" thing.
Hi Heather,
I meant, how do go about courting a girl who is NOT courting. I know Kazz would wait for the girl to be picked up but what about the girls who are dating in the furture?
How do we promote courting in our home instead of dating? They are boys and he will be asking the girls out so, how does he say, "Will you go out with me...but I won't pick you up?"
That's just weird for a boy to say. Don't you think?
Hmm... If he's doing the asking, it's kind of up to him to suggest the activity, isn't it? Meeting at her or your house...
He could explain that he's not allowed to be alone in the car with a girl besides his mom. :) Frankly, as a mother of daughters, that would go over BIG and I'd MAKE time for them to spend at our house.
Oh I love this. I have a boy and a girl, and I love it for both. My best friend is an elementary school principal - she had to take a workshop in how to handle a new elementary school epidemic...sexually aggressive little girls. I mean, WOW. We even experienced this firsthand with my son who began dreading going to the preschool he once adored (he goes 2x a week for half a day) because he was being pursued quite aggressively by another little girl. CRAZY!!
Anyhow, I think it would be fantastic if, when the time came, my son had the confidence to say "would you like to meet me at a movie" or something. I would love it if he could be comfortable enough to let a girl know he'd love to spend some time with her, but his respect for her was so great that he wanted to maintain certain 'boundaries.' I pray every day that he consideres this a gift to help him handle temptation, and not a hinderance that he'll want to rebel against.
my husband made it very clear to our 16 year old son, that he is not to be alone with his girlfriend at any time. This includes in the car once he gets his license. Her family disagrees,but is willing to go along with it. We feel it not only protects them from the temptation, but also any accusations, as the girl in question is a minor, under 16.
Based on several books I read when I was much younger, dating is not the way to go. Otherwise, why is the divorce rate so high? (When it comes to marriage, it seems we learn by trial and error, which isn't good.)
Well, I think said 16-year-old is the one that is going to have to decide (since you don't seem to have a "problem" with him dating at 16. I have no intention of this happening. My boys are already aware that I think dating shouldn't happen until they are old enough and able enough to support a wife.) if this is the kind of girl he wants to "date". If he wants to court someone with the same ideas and morals, he will have to make it clear to girls that these are his beliefs. If she has a problem with it, perhaps she's not the girl for him?
Of course, my boys are almost 11, 7, and 5. So, I've got a few years. Which, by the way, I'm extremely thankful for every day. LOL
I would highly recommend having both you and you son read I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. After reading just the first 2 chapters I found myself wishing so much that someone showed me this book before I turned 16 and started dating!! It's a book about courting from a christian man's point of view. Have your son do a report on it!! :o)
"I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris gives the low-down on courtship. My sister went this route. Instead of going out alone, the couple spends more time with each other's families, etc.
Also, courtship is about finding a spouse. The fellow courts the girl with permission from her parents and with the understanding that they are all checking each other out as prospective marriage material. It's not a casual thing.
Definitely worth checking out.
We are pregnant with our first girl and I hope and pray that by the time she is old enough to date, that there are still decent humans on earth worthy of dating. All my single friends aged 20-30 talk about how dating has become a completely strange concept and guys never offer to pay for anything anymore. I find this totally unacceptable.
While I can see problems both with banning any alone time as well as permitting it, one of the most important things is just making sure your children have strong values to begin with and respect those around them as well as themselves. Then they won't make decisions that will make you or them look bad. Yes, they are still kids, but if they are responsible enough to drive on their own, and possibly even get a job, then they are old enough to take responsibility for their actions too.
But I would still prefer that I get to meet the kid my daughter will be meeting up with at the movies, before she does so. For all I know he's 30 and she's just 16 (Lord help us!) But perhaps every kid is a little bit different in the end.
My daughter has a "boyfriend" but there are rules that she and he must follow.
I went to his parents home and sat with his parents to set-out rules funny enough she had a few she was wanting to set out also.
They are not allowed to be in either home without a parent being present.
They are not allowed up-stairs
They must be checked on every 1/2 hr max!
My daughter has been very clear to him that there will be no touching other then holding hands.
I really think if you make it clear to the other child's parents what the limits are and your child knows what their limits are then there should be no problems.
My daughter knows I trust her 100% but she also knows that rules are there for her to be safe and she respects and appreciates that and I know that because she tells me so.
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