This is to the woman who emailed me, to the strangers who are writhing, to the sick and those in prison. This is to the strangers who link us together.
You are not alone.
I am but one woman, one stranger who is praying for peace for your heart, your mind, your soul. I know that this is a very lonely time for you. I have been where you are, felt...feel what you are feeling. My heart wrenches with the memories of that time and I cry now knowing you, a stranger, are dealing with these emotions, agonizing at this very moment. I was alone; miserable; walking through my journey when my heart procedures and uncertainties were before me a few years ago. The diagnosis was up in the air as I lay in the ICU for days wondering if the heartbeat I heard would be my last. Will that be the last? That one? I screamed, inside myself, nowhere to hold, no one to understand, nobody. Falling, falling, inside myself; hurtling out of control.
There is nothing like that horrid, alone feeling. It was during that time that I also had to deal with my own uncertainties about God and come to terms with what I believed deep inside my soul; deep down where nobody dare to tread, the place I kept hidden even from myself. It was then, during the free-fall that I had to look my doubts in the face, deal with them...answer the question. It was then that I could fully understand the question, and realize the answer. I felt His peace. I gave in to His will and came to the point where I understood beyond doubt that I either had to believe that all of life and energy came from nothingness or all of life and energy came from a God in a dimension that was beyond my own understanding. It didn’t take long for me to understand that all things come from somewhere/someone.
I had to place my faith in the one who gave me life. It was only during that time of my life…that time when even those closest to me were so very far away, though they were right there next to me. This is when I really came to understand, believe wholeheartedly in the only God who claimed to make me, know me and love me. Christ Jesus.
I was never one to “talk” like a Christian and I was never one who would preach or be overly overt with my beliefs and in many ways, I’m still not made to be “that kind” of Christian. However, something in your note, your words hit me to the core when I read them; felt them. I was back there again, laying there, thinking, crying at night, wondering within myself why we’re here, what is next, who/what I put my trust in that I somehow feel that you must be, have to be going through a similar struggle.
Please forgive me if I’m overstepping my bounds, but I want, maybe need, maybe even have to let you know, that Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit are with you and know you and made you. God knows your doubts, fears, uncertainties and loves you just the way you are because He made you that way. If we listen, watch for His work, feel His ministry in our hearts, eventually we are not alone.
With all my love and with all I can muster to send in words, I pray for you and think about you and hope you understand that on some level, there are people who are with you, alone, thinking, wondering, searching and praying. You are not alone. You are part of a vast majority of strangers who love one another. You are a strong link in that chain. God made it, He made you and He will help you through this journey, wherever it leads.
Please don’t hesitate to allow strangers to help, when/if the need arises. We’re here.